On being homesick.. but most of all..

They say, being homesick is your worst enemy. Im just like everybody else and I was homesick. I miss my family.. miss my old life, my routines and I miss my dog beaver.. He is such an adorable creature. I remember, I used to walk with beaver every morning and stroll on our compound, he really loves going out.. seeing new people and you know what? he really got an attitude! People are amazed and fall in love with him at first sight..yes! he is that adorable, but wait.. this little guy got an attitude.



He is a little snob and a jerk hehe! He will bark at people whom he dont like and he's indifferent most of the time. He's proud of himself and he demand attention. What a pet right? Yah, he is that way but I love him the way he is. I definitely LOVE this creature.



He is used to sleep inside my room specially when he is still a kiddo, I worry to much if I let him sleep outside (he might fall on the stairs, he might chew on the cords and he'll get electrocuted some bad thoughts like that) so i let him sleep beneath my bed, by the way he really love it there. Morning come, around 4 or 5am he will stand up and scratch me up or lick my face if he can reach it.. he want me to lift him and sleep with me on my bed.. sweet right! OMG! Just writing this.. makes me wanna go.





Then, I'll let him sleep in my bed. He will go and sleep near my feet. When he was still small.. I mean smaller hehe! he sleep on my chest.. yah he is really that small, and thats one of my most fondest memory of him.. that he sleep so adorably on my chest and I also slept, after a few minutes he wokes up.. its just a few minutes but for me its more.


I dont know why, but I love dogs. When I was young, I have a dog name KISSES she was given by my estrange aunt(were still at war now hehe) I was 11 and she was my 1st dog ever. She is a half breed, If Im not mistaken she is half golden retriever and half japanese spitz. The 1st time I saw her.. I fall in love ith her. She is soo adorable, her fur is like a gold and she was so lovely. My aunt dont have any intentions to give it to me, but to our relatives whom live next to our house, but since Im so attached to that dog and the older people dont have any time.. i became her master. She grew up very fierce dog but to me she's so loyal and sweet. I still remember she dont eat a food if I'm not the one who made it. She's terribly jealous of other pet and she means business, she killed two of my pet geese when they get closer to her, that was a sad one. She was so special to me because, she was my 1st dog and I had her when I was still growing up. Every single night I stroll her to the garden.. which became our bonding time for 4 years before I go to college. Going to college was hard. You know, she is not just my pet, I bestowed upon her my friendship.

During my teenage years, when I'm so frustrated and angry at the world, she was there and comforts me like she knew what I'm going through. Everytime I'm sad, I'm angry I'm happy, she was there. I dont have that much friend when Im growing up, and she replace that hole. Whenever theres an emptiness and void, she filled it with love. Her love was really true and her heart was gentle( I cried now.. ) I know its weird but I felt theres a connections between us. I cried to her several times.. even though she dont know what was going on. she will just sit beside me so close to me and I'm fine. Just the though of her really comforts me.

Several months before I leave for college, I was already thinking about her. I made the most of our time left, I know, she knew that something was about to happen and she seems also sad a few days before I leave for Manila (Pet psychologist says that pet have intuitions and they sometimes foresee what was about to happen) I hugged her several times to compensate for the months that we will not see each other. Such a sad story. Then I was just a sad boy longing for love and a little affections, met a pet with a great heart equals a mighty story. Kisses was special to me and still special to me because she was there when I need a friend at the most, I had a bad childhood and she completed the missing piece, You see she is just a dog but she made a difference in my life. Our bonds are so tight that even now, whenever I think of her I can still remember her fur close to me.

It was my second year in college when my mom called me up and told me that my dog health is deteriorating.. she was not eating for almost a week and they're afraid she got some illness. Summer was fast approaching and we nearly finish with our Finals. After the finals, I finished everything and I headed immediately to my hometown. I missed her so energetic look each time I arrive for our semestral break or every christamas or summer break, then she was so happy. She was still looking healthy but she was weak. I still felt numb. I know she is dying.. Several of our dogs died the same way, they contracted a virus in which it attacks there digestive system. The symptoms are all the same. I was terribly at loss and I never felt so helpless, I want to save her but there's no Vet in our province and I dont have the money to take her to the nearby city. I was helpless and Im soo guilty I cant do anything to save her. I just make the most of our time, but I miss her energy and her warmth. I'm just thankful because, I was able to take care of her since Im on summer vacation, I would feel bad if I didnt able to se her and take care of her. The God is good at least I was able to be with her for almost a month before she died.

The day before she died I bathe her, not knowing its her last. Im still glad she never lose her beauty. Her coat were still shining brightly and she still looks plumpy, That would be much worst for me if she looks really ill and gaunt which unfortunately happened to some of our dogs. That terrible day.. i visit her on her dog house and I talk to her.. I told her that I will miss her terribly and I love her so much.. Her eyes just stares blankly but i know she still listen. I stayed there for almost an hour talking to her and patting her. No tears.. but my heart cried, I feel numb. Its weird but I know that was the day she will leave me, And I dont want to see her off so I go to my room and slept. When I woke up 3pm, my brother told me the news. Kisses was gone. I go to her house and pat her for the last time. My older cousin and me put her on the sack and we go to our nearby farm. There she rest in piece. I pluck few of hairs and I bind it with my hair.. a sign of our friendship. I pick 3 wild yellow flowers and showered it on her grave. Im still numb and I dont want to show my emotion to my older cousin. When I arrive home.. I go to my room and cry. Now, everytime I remember her, I still feel the love she gave unselfishly. Her heart is big. And yet she's just a dog. I dedicated the song Special Memory and the theme song from the movie Casper


Here's a line from that song- Remember Me this way

Every now and then we find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the bestfriend that I've found

I know you cant stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
I dont need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
For ever more apart of me, your everywhere
I'll always care

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won't ever leave as long as you believe
You just believe..


Right now, Im here abroad.. im missing beaver the way I miss kisses. But this one is much far.. I cant just ride a bus and Im already at home. No its not! Im hundred miles away from home.. hundred miles. Im planning to go on vacation next year.

When, I was bout to write this post, Im thinking about being homesickness.. but for some reason I wrote something else..

Im just being homesick and sentimental..but most of all I miss beaver.